Redeeming Unholy Desires
Redeeming Unholy Desires
In my years of counseling people through behavioral addictions, I have not found shame and guilt to be a lasting solution or even an effective solution for those addictions. Though this is often the tactic used by Christians in dealing with behavioral addiction in their loved ones. Now don’t get me wrong, we should feel the full weight of the consequences of our choices. There should be the grief that accompanies the realization of our sin. But the experience of shame and guilt is often temporal. Once the initial effects wear off the urges overcome the shame and guilt. Another issue with shame and guilt as a motivator for repentance is that it tends to lead to hiding. Adam and Eve felt the guilt and the shame:
Genesis 3:7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So, they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.
And what else did they do? Genesis 3:8 “So they hid from the Lord.” They tried their fig leaf solution to their sin, and they discovered their own attempts to “cover” or redeem themselves were woefully insufficient. So, they hid.
That is what most people do when trying insufficient solutions to their behavioral addictions, they hide. No one wants to disappoint the ones whose affirmation they seek.
Some will say that denying those desires exist, or starving those desires is the best method for overcoming behavioral addiction. Again, in my experience of helping those with behavioral addictions this doesn’t help because it creates a dichotomy within the individual. The “put that part of them to death through starvation” method just never seems to work because eventually the appetite of those desires overcomes the will to resist or deny those desires.
Then you may ask, what is the solution to these behavioral addictions? The Bible describes it as Godly sorrow.
2 Corinthians 7:10 (NLT) For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
The sorrow God wants leads us away from sin and results in salvation. That word “salvation” in the original language of the New Testament is soteria which can mean “deliverance from the molestation of enemies.” Oftentimes our “enemy” can be sin itself. Anyone who has experienced molestation knows that hiding and denial are often the modus operandi of dealing with that kind of trauma and the result is almost always issues that arise later. Behavioral addiction - whatever that may be (and the list is long) - is a molestation of the image of God created intentionally in us by our Creator who fearfully and wonderfully made us.
How do we then get to that place of Godly sorrow? How do we experience repentance that leads us away from sin and results in salvation? The kind of sorrow that leaves no regret.
- Stop Hiding from God
Genesis 3:9 (NLT) But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
God knew of Adam and Eve’s sin, yet He still came looking for them. God knows about your behavioral addiction, He knows where you are, but it’s your choice to be found by Him.
- Be Honest with God
Genesis 3:10 (NLT) I was naked
Adam doesn’t deny his condition. There can never be redemption without admission. I must admit the choices I have and the consequences of those choices.
1 John 1:9 (MSG) On the other hand, if we admit our sins - make a clean breast of them - he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.
Only God can provide the proper means for soteria that salvation, deliverance, and safety that fully redeems what is broken in us through our behavioral addictions.
Genesis 3:21 (NLT) And the LORD God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife.
Our fig leaf attempts to deal with our sin will always be insufficient. Only God’s solution for sin is sufficient. Hebrews tells us that without the shedding of blood there can be no forgiveness. Thank God, He has provided the blood of Christ to cover our sin.
But to be found in the fount of the blood of Jesus we must admit our sin.
- Vigilantly Seek Accountability
James 5:16 (NLT) Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The word for “healed” in the original language is iaomai and it means “to make whole” to free from errors and sins.
Finding accountability and seeking counsel in our behavioral addictions is a pathway to redeeming our desires.
The isolation of shame and guilt and the consequences of hiding our sin are often the reason that we cannot seem to get past the addiction. Bringing others into the fight puts more eyes, more hands, more heart, and more prayers in the battle.
- 4. Pray
In Mark 9 there is a story of a boy possessed by a demon that the disciples could not cast out, though they had cast out other demons. I encourage you to read the entire story in Mark 9. The disciples ask Jesus, “Why couldn’t we cast out that evil spirit?”
Mark 9:29 Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.”
I do not list prayer here as a last resort, but I list it last to emphasize the importance of keeping prayer in every step of the redemption process. Our deepest desires must be brought to the Throne of Grace constantly to be redeemed. Jesus told Peter before Peter denied Jesus that He was praying for him because Satan wanted to “sift him as wheat.” If Jesus prayed for Peter when Peter was facing an enormous temptation, it stands to reason that prayer is of utmost importance when we are seeking redemption from our unholy desires.
There is so much more to write about this. But I will leave that for another time.
Until the nets are full
Scot
P.S. - I welcome any questions or discussions regarding these thoughts.